He got into bed and I was adjusting his legs on the pillows and covering him up. As usual he was doing his normal arguing about what was in the room and what wasn't.....I told him that Mom was right, he would argue about the color of the sky.
He looked at me and laughed a little and said, "I would give anything to argue with your Mother right now."
I got a lump in my throat and laughed out of nervousness because I didn't want to cry....and said, "Yep, and Mom would probably give anything to listen to you argue right about now, too."
Mom and Dad fought, that's no secret. They fought over the dumbest things I thought.....the animals, how to deal with kids and Grandkids, when dinner was going to be ready, how much money to spend....etc.
However, I think that even though they could drive each other crazy, they did love each other.
They went through a lot together.....a LOT. I think on occasion how hard is must have been to lose a child to a drowning when he was almost 3. Mom and Dad were both just 23 years old themselves.
I know what they both said that got them through that.....their faith in God and their belief in Jesus Christ. The fact that Gilbert was going to be with the Angels and he would be okay.
Mom talked of him often. I know all the stories. Dad never did talk too much about him. I know for sure why he didn't. I speculated with Mom and told her my theory as to why he didn't get emotional.
The hurt is still so deep that now that Dad is older and more emotional, the mere mention of his name and Dad tears up. I think he had to be strong for Mom. Mom would tell me that she didn't like him not talking to her about Gilbert. She wanted Dad to cry with her when she was feeling bad. Dad was afraid to look like a sissy. It's that generation. It's what was drilled into them very young.....don't cry, be brave, be a man.
When in fact, being a man is being sensitive....a quality many men don't have. I am glad that I raised my boys to BE sensitive. Both of them have compassion. My youngest even today can talk about something that is sad and not afraid to cry in front of me or anyone. I am sure his wife will always appreciate that.
Having a heart is not sissy.
I patted Dad, kissed his forehead and told him all was okay, not to worry....Mom is having a chuckle over him saying he wanted to argue! No doubt she is or will....however you believe.
In the meantime he would have to settle for me to argue with. One day there will be plenty of time to share those stories without sadness or grief.
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